OAK:Magister Templi-a serialadventure

When is the last time you have been passionate and excited about a cause? When have you believed in something so strongly that you became a zealot? Have you ever been "born again"?

As we mature and confront reality we also deal with lower emotional baggage. This level is the awakening of the conscience. Normally this development takes place around ten or twelve years of age. I was fourteen when it happened to me.

Sadly it might never take place in some cases. The development of our ego can not continue in a healthy manner until this stage is completed. Most of us have a conscience but we might not always listen to it.

This degree has two levels of thought. In the first part of this degree we hear the voice of our conscience and either ignore it or give lip service to spiritual and noble goals. We have good intentions but identify with our physical body and human ego. We feel unworthy to have the things we desire. We go to church on Sunday but keep falling short of our own expectations.

In religious terms we don't want to sin but we still do. Every day we do things over and over again that we are ashamed of and despair. We are sinners. We are unworthy. We think evil thoughts.

Heavy feelings of guilt and self loathing are encountered at this level of thought. A powerful force digs up our deepest subconscious psychic contents and exposes them openly to us. We are brought face to face with every word we ever regretted, every thought we were ashamed of.

We feel little more than animals mindlessly reacting to physical and emotional stimulus. We are brought face to face with the mirror of our soul. We don't care if God/dess forgives us because we can't forgive ourselves.

This is a very hard time and many flee in terror at what they see in the mirror. They spend the rest of their lives in misery, guilt and shame, hating themselves and dreading the day they must face their final reward. This is the crisis point of the Zelator degree that must be crossed.

Once we have crossed this point we hear the call "repent sinner". We change our lives and live differently. We no longer identify with our physical body. Instead we identify with our immortal body that lives on after death.

"He who believes shall never die."

"You must be born again into a new spiritual body."

"You must be saved."

These are the messages we hear at this critical stage of ego development. Our conscience is erupting and when we are ready to listen huge changes take place in our lives.

There is a mental shift where life becomes a test and trial that is necessary to pass before we earn eternal salvation. If we can look in the mirror and do the best we can every day the inner voice of our conscience will forgive us for the errors we make.

Most importantly we learn to forgive ourselves. As we accept the inner voice of our conscience and strive to follow it we grow spiritually.

In this second level we are "born again". We identify with a spiritual body or soul that is immortal. We get excited about the idea of living forever.

Because the ego is self-centered there is a feeling of separateness from others that occurs along with the joy of being "saved". There is a sense of isolation and terrible loneliness that is bitter-sweet. We want others to experience what we have. It is hard to accept that others may not agree with us. We are forever alone with a unique personal perspective and path meant only for us.

When we try to share this perspective we can't and this realization is devastating. The things that are so important to us simply do not matter to others. They laugh and ridicule us. Still this loneliness is the result of distorted thinking. We are never really alone because the entire universe is always a part of us and we are a vital part of it. Others don't need to follow our path. They need to follow their path.

Our realization and experience of being "born again" causes us to weep for the loneliness and suffering of humanity. So much misery does not need to exist. People don't understand what they are missing. At this point we develop compassion in our hearts for others. As we share our message and interact with others we become less lonely.

Our sharing becomes more mental as the material world becomes less important. Slowly concepts gain strength and reality over our lives. We live through conscious intent and will instead of passing fancy.

As this happens the emotions lose their control over our lives. We gain control over them and repress them until they are almost non existent. As this happens we depend more and more upon reason and logic.

This is a very painful period because we sense the coming death of the emotions. Life is no longer as fun as it once was. We have lost our "inner child". Life without emotions is no longer life.

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